There is such a thing as way, way too much…ending up being, strangely, not quite enough.

 

Cast: Hugh Jackman, Halle Barry, Ian McKellen, Patrick Stewart, Famke Jansen, James Marsden, Shawn Ashmore, Anna Paquin, Kelsey Grammer, Rebecca Romijn, Vinnie Jones, Michael Murphy, Ellen Page, Aaron Stanford, Ben Foster.

Writers: Simon Kinberg and Zak Penn

Director: Bret Ratner

Running Time: 104 min.

 

As a fan of the X-men, as someone who loves drawing the occasional Wolverine, of course I like this movie a little.   Even enough to see it twice, (if only to get a more objective look at it.)

 

As a concept, the story is chock full of plenty of components to keep you interested.  Full, however, does not mean good in this case.  At a brisk 104 minutes, this movie is downright stuffed to the gills.  There are far too many characters, dramatic beats are jumbled and lost, characters become important with little introduction or background, (who the #^@% is Colossus in this story, anyway?  If I weren’t a lifetime reader, I wouldn’t even know his mutant name because it never gets mentioned.)  So many pivotal events occur in the first half alone that the story is pretty hard to grab onto, and later on the ante is upped on action, which only begs the question, “why do I care again?  Oh yeah, ‘cause I liked the other two…I guess.”

 

The following statements can sum up my basic review of this film: Nothing that happens in this story is necessarily bad; some of the events are downright great.  There are too many cool things happening here, in fact, and not enough development, or quiet time, to bring us as viewers to care more about it than we would a video game.  The only way this story would work would be to make two films out of it.  Place the cure the first one and leave it unresolved, culminating in the rebirth of Jean Grey/ Phoenix, and the consequences to he who wakes her.  Leave the film with the cliffhanger question, “is Phoenix a possible solution or further problem?”  The fourth film would then focus more on the completion of the cure story and the much more important Dark Phoenix storyline. 

 

By making two films out of the one, Jean Grey wouldn’t have to stand around and wait her turn while everyone else fights, they could earn the jokes they used, the film would more than likely have gelled better as a continuation of X2, and the dire events would actually have dire consequences, instead of being flashy, “bet you didn’t see that coming” moments, which, at story’s end currently leaves us thinking, “now what?”

 

Noting performances barely enters my mind in this case; the obvious story problems overshadow any need of that.  Everybody pretty much turns in something watchable, but everybody is wasted on this condensed, convoluted, Reader’s Digest version of an X-sequel.  Kelsey Grammer was sorely lacking from his own performance. Angel, Warren Worthington III, played by Ben Foster, who recently joined Romijn in The Punisher, in which he played Spacker Dave, (from Garth Ennis’ “Welcome Back Frank,” Punisher comics,) pretty much sucked.  I don’t know who to call on for that one. The actor and the director have both done decent things in the past, but the results here are poorly mishandled and cheeeeeeesy!  Michael Murphy, as his misguided father, Warren Worthington II, sleepwalks through his part.  Jackman was good as always and thankfully got plenty to do, playing el hombre numero uno pretty early on, his solo film should be good.  Barry finally gets something to do, once a certain someone is out of the way.  Her effort at giving a performance is certainly there; though I’m not sure the script gives her enough to work with.  The trouble the writers have had fleshing out the two leading members of the X-men is bizarrely like the heroes’ own conflict in the classic Chris Claremont comics.  She won out this time, much like she did in the comics, too bad for the other guy.  (This is an attempt to be vague for people who have yet to see the film.)  I will be glad to see Anna Paquin go away, now that this series is “over.”  I never liked her in the role of Rogue.  On a positive note, the age regression tech used to make McKellen and Stewart appear young was more than impressive.  I cannot wait for the Magneto solo film to see where they take that.

 

If you felt disappointed with the way the Matrix trilogy turned out: be warned, this is definitely not the “BANG” finish you’ll want.  This bag of cheap parlor tricks looks good, has a few good laughs, lots and lots of action, and perhaps too much of an arc in the story.  You may feel a little jipped when you leave, unless you remember: it’s just a video game.  Dead people can come back with their next life, unless they were just pawns, if you don’t pass the level the first time you can always try again, and, when in doubt, make a sequel, (which I am watching out for.)

 

Three stars, begrudgingly, count ‘em ***. (If this movie mouths off to me again I’ll take back half a star!)